Kiddo is in the 4th grade and is in the process of deciding what is "cool" and what is not. So far it's been quite the process, and I know we are just at the beginning. I've always wanted to be a "cool" mom. The kind of mom my kids won't be embarrassed by. The kind of mom they will feel comfortable talking to. And listening to. I want to be that kind of mom.
At the beginning of the year I signed up to help at the school every Wednesday. At first this was just fine, but as the weeks went by, I could sense that my level of "coolness" was dropping. At first Kiddo would come over and talk to me, then he would just wave, then by Christmas time he just quit looking at me altogether. Like if he didn't see me I wasn't really there. I was trying to be the "cool" mom, so I left him alone. I didn't push it.
But I was bothered. I wasn't hurt by Kiddo's actions, I was worried about the kind of relationship we had and would have in the future. I was afraid that maybe he didn't really know just how much I loved him. I realized that I hardly ever hugged him, even at home. I used to when he was little but had gotten out of the habit as he got older. I used to give him great big hugs we called "shield hugs". The normal bumps and rough spots of life weren't so bad when he was protected by my sheild of love. How could I have forgotten?
So I've changed my mind about being cool. Now, when I see him at school, I go to him and give him a big hug. No matter who is watching. I hug him and tell him that I love him. At first I was afraid that he would be mad at me. But he wasn't. He hugged me right back! Sometimes he will see me before I see him and he will sneak up behind me and surprise me with a hug! It is so great!
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