Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Overcoming The Invisible Mom

Kiddo is in the 4th grade and is in the process of deciding what is "cool" and what is not.  So far it's been quite the process, and I know we are just at the beginning.  I've always wanted to be a "cool" mom.  The kind of mom my kids won't be embarrassed by.  The kind of mom they will feel comfortable talking to.  And listening to.  I want to be that kind of mom. 

At the beginning of the year I signed up to help at the school every Wednesday.  At first this was just fine, but as the weeks went by, I could sense that my level of "coolness" was dropping.  At first Kiddo would come over and talk to me, then he would just wave, then by Christmas time he just quit looking at me altogether.  Like if he didn't see me I wasn't really there.  I was trying to be the "cool" mom, so I left him alone.  I didn't push it. 

But I was bothered.  I wasn't hurt by Kiddo's actions, I was worried about the kind of relationship we had and would have in the future.  I was afraid that maybe he didn't really know just how much I loved him.  I realized that I hardly ever hugged him, even at home.  I used to when he was little but had gotten out of the habit as he got older.  I used to give him great big hugs we called "shield hugs".  The normal bumps and rough spots of life weren't so bad when he was protected by my sheild of love.  How could I have forgotten?

So I've changed my mind about being cool.  Now, when I see him at school, I go to him and give him a big hug.  No matter who is watching.  I hug him and tell him that I love him.  At first I was afraid that he would be mad at me.  But he wasn't.  He hugged me right back!  Sometimes he will see me before I see him and he will sneak up behind me and surprise me with a hug!  It is so great! 

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12 comments:

Luv 2 Kreate said...

Good for you Mom! Sometimes as we are trying to be "cool" we forget what our kids really need. I decided a long time a go that I may not be "cool" anymore, but those boys would never doubt how much I love them :) When your a mom that's what is REALLY COOL!

Chocolate on my Cranium said...

Hurray for hugs! And figuring out what needed to be done.

Heidi said...

Aimee, I'm so glad you shared this! You are such a "cool" Mom. You are a great Mother, too! I love you Aimee!!

JRoberts said...

What a wonderful post. I love to be the cool mom and with homeschooling I often am, so this is a great perspective. Thanks for sharing! :)

Chaney said...

Sometimes I think being the "cool" mom isn't all it's cracked up to be.

I love this story, and I'm glad Kiddo loves getting the hugs as much as you love giving them!

Jocelyn Christensen said...

That's awesome!

Judi said...

My fourth grader is really getting to where she is very concerned about what others are thinking about her. I wish it wasn't that way . . . I guess it is part of growing up. She gets embarrassed easy - I'm remember being the same way.

Good reminder though - I need to hug her more. I like how you put it "a shield hug" - :)

kjha said...

Thanks for this...I also have a 4th grade kiddo and we're learning together :)

nanajohanna said...

You might remember when Sam had certain "rules" of behavior for me when I'd go to any of his sporting events. I could sit quietly in the stands, but no cheering his name. I often broke the rules, but he never complained. Moms walk a fine line and you seem to be very good at it. As always; I'm so very proud of you, but I promise not to cheer too loud.

Jannet said...

I think that cool is so overrated! It is much better to be the mom who hugs instead! I hope I am able to remember to keep hugging as my kids grow up, they will never be too big for hugs.

Aimee said...

Mom,

I want you to cheer loud and hard!

Love,
Aimee

Jen said...

What an interesting post, to note that we never stop trying to figure out how others are perceiving us!

I'm learning that the coolest mom I can be is by being myself, not by trying to be "cool" in the way someone else is.

Great food for thought!